How to help with homework without doing it for them

The trap

Nobody sets out to do their child's homework. It happens by degrees. They are stuck, you explain, they are still stuck, you show them one, they copy the method, and by question four you are effectively answering and they are transcribing.

It is late, everyone is tired, and the work gets finished. That is the trap: the visible outcome improves and the invisible one gets worse.

Four questions that help without solving

Replace explaining with asking. These four cover most situations.

• "What is the question actually asking you to do?" A large share of stuck is misreading, not not-knowing.
• "What do you already know that is like this?" This is the retrieval question, and it does the real work.
• "Show me where you get stuck." Not "what is the answer" but the exact step. Often they get further than they claim.
• "Talk me through what you just did." Ask this when they get it right, not only when they get it wrong. It is the single most useful thing on this list.

What to do when they are genuinely stuck

Sometimes the honest answer is that they cannot do it because they were never taught the thing underneath. In that case finishing the sheet is pointless.

Write a note to the teacher. "We stopped after question three, she could not do X." That is useful information for a teacher and it is not a complaint. A worksheet completed by a parent tells the teacher nothing.

The one rule

If your child cannot do it tomorrow without you, it did not count today. That is the whole principle, and it is why we gate every topic on a check taken a week later with nobody helping. More on how that works.